Maybe I'm just getting older. Maybe I am getting less wise. Maybe I am just paying more attention. Whatever the cause, I notice that life has a pretty regular cycle of stretches of everything-going-well times, and nothing-going-well times. It seems to go round and round repeatedly. There are material challenges, like earning enough money to pay the bills. Then there are new work opportunities cropping up. There are larger sorrows, like the political strife in this country. And then small family successes like getting the kids to do chores without having to ask. Life in all its forms of positive and negative goes on, but some days the challenges seem more prevalent than the easy days.
In the midst of it all, I am also trying to create my own life, my own career, my own path for the first time in almost seven years, with a direction I have never had in all my 37 years. The balance between family and personal goals and broader world events is one that I am constantly reevaluating.
This elusive thing called balance is a huge part of my daily thoughts. It fills my mornings, afternoons, and nights with trying to squeeze in this or that or the other thing. It is something that I achieve perfectly every now and then, and fail miserably at rather more often.
But even more than the outward expression of balance in my life, there is also a balance constantly shifting within me between accepting life for what it is and finding peace in it, and fighting off and striking out with fear and anger at life's pain and hardship.
Being a woman who ponders her thoughts, and one who also blogs about those thoughts, I seems natural to explore this idea of balance here. I am going to starting writing Balance Wednesdays, once or twice a month, with a focus on the things that are working, the things I have that I am grateful for, the things that help me create art, or write a few lines, or cook a better dinner for my family, or find deeper compassion, or show me patience and calm as I help my son and stepdaughter grow. Slowly, I'll compile a list of things-going-well to refer back to in those nothing-going-well times.
Maybe such practice will help this mom/partner/aspiring writer/treehugger move away from just flailing about with the long shot of landing on something solid, and move towards true balance, abundance, and gratitude. And who knows, as we all keep going round and round, maybe it will help someone else find balance too.